An anecdote based on the fictional characters “Ger and Olga” from the Daddy Diaper Diaries…
With baby Mel’s arrival into the world, it seemed we had no time for ourselves. So, I recommended my wife and I go to a resort. We put our heads together on the idea, literally.
After travelling and settling in, I looked forward to our first full day at the resort….until we lost each other.
Thank God for cell phones, right? Well…
She called and said from our room, “Where are you??”
“The pool,” I said.
“I am no fool! Stop it.”
“What?” I said.
English was Olga’s second language. Every so often, she misheard or mispronounced an English word. This was one of those times. Earlier when rushing out the door, I had said I’m going to the pool. She was flustered about something else and was running a bit behind. So, I said I’d meet her at the pool. She thought I left the room frustrated and called her a fool.
Another classic miscommunication.
I jumped up from the lounge chair where I was situated at the pool, and sped-walked to find my wife.
“I’m coming,” I said.
“I’m at the room I told you!” she said.
“Hold on I’ll be there in a minute. I said pool not fool. I never called you a fool.”
“I can’t hear you,” she said.
She either couldn’t hear me or was too frustrated to listen. Didn’t matter now.
“I’m almost there,” I said, hurrying.
I looked down at my phone to disconnect, turning the corner on the walkway leading to the room. Suddenly, someone charged around the same corner from the other direction. We smashed into each other.
Whoever it was had the world’s hardest skull—the sort of steel mass at the end of a weighty hammer. My head reeled back from the blow. I felt my body settling down onto the sidewalk. I saw all black and thought, great, today I die.
***
A blinding light was accompanied by chirping birds, and I could smell my favorite season–Spring. Something tugged at my hand. I looked down to see what it was.
I held a leash, walking my favorite pet. Instead of my favorite Golden Retriever “Tiffany”, instead of my favorite fish “Jaws”, instead of my favorite childhood pet gerbil “Bernie”, instead of my favorite teddy “Ted”, it was my wife, Olga. Yes, Olga led me on her leash. The collar around her neck read: OLGA.
She had stopped a moment to mark her territory. We were eagerly off again, both happy as larks.
When she saw a squirrel in the distance, her tug became unmanageable. “Heel!” I ordered.
She sat obediently, licking her chops as I approached. I unlatched the leash’s clasp from her collar and said, “Release!”
Her legs launched into run…
Ger!!
***
The disruption warp-reversed my daydream.
“Ger, you okay?” Olga shook me awake.
“What happened?” I said.
“We had collision,” she said. She helped me up.
“I said pool, never fool”, I said.
“I believe you,” she said.
Later as we lounged, she said, “I had a weird dream after we crash.”
“Oh, really? What?” I said.
“You were Fred Astaire and me Ginger Rogers. We dance and barely touch floor and glide in air,” she said.
“I had a dream, too,” I said.
“What about?” she asked.
“That we both wore our ski helmets to the pool,” I said. “You know, just in case.”
Nothing followed that moment other than the chirping birds agreeing with me…
NOTE: If after reading this harrowing resort walkway mishap you suddenly find yourself in the market for a Bluetooth helmet–to safely speak with your loved one while on vacation–here’s an informative article that compares features.
https://www.headsdontbounce.com/ski-snowboard-helmets/snowboard-helmets-with-bluetooth-audio/